Growing up in the 1980s, there were a lot of heroes to admire in books and comics and movies. The most admirable of those, to me, is now and has always been Arnold Schwarzenegger. His first major starring role of that decade, though not as highly regarded as some of his later work, might be his most heroic role. It's one I love dearly, and it's the perfect starting point for this double feature.
HOW THIS WORKS
Step 1) I pick a movie.
Step 2) I tell you about the movie.
Step 3) I tell you what we're looking for in a double feature movie.
Step 4) Another movie!
Step 5) Victory!
Conan the Barbarian
1982, Directed by John Milius
Conan the Barbarian seems like a simple movie on the surface. A youngster, trained to believe in a god and a sword, sees his loving father and mother killed by a vicious cult leader. He grows up with vengeance in his heart while slaving away on the aptly named "wheel of pain," which makes him big and strong and angry when he sets out on his own as an adult.
He's trained as a fighter, and famously indoctrinated that the answer to the question "What is best in life?" is "To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." In a drunken stupor, he sees a bunch of women of the night against a wall and blurts out "Sluts!" like it's the funniest thing he's seen in his life. He's...not perfect. Stay with him, though. He's going on a journey here.
Conan acts like a brute - because that's what he was raised as - but as he sets out on his own we start to see his character as he meets others who recognize that his heart is still that of the innocent child who had the life he wanted taken from him. These companions - a sly archer named Subotai, a female warrior named Valeria, and a playful wizard who has no name - are crucial in helping Conan work toward his goal, even if his background has made him far too stubborn to ever acknowledge it. He has meaningful conversations about religion with Subotai (allowing Arnold to chortle as he spits out one of the best lines in fantasy history, "Crom laughs at your four winds!") and ends up befriending and loving Valeria, yet he rarely allows himself to show his feelings. When he does, it's hard not to fall in love with him and his cause.
I just watched this scene four times. I couldn't stop. Man, it makes my heart soar. If you're not at a video watching location right now, here's a transcript. Yes, I'm THAT in to this scene.
"I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five. The leaves were so dark and green then. The grass smelled sweet with the spring wind...
...Almost 20 years of pitiless cumber! No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows, Subotai. Have you ever felt such a wind?"
"They blow where I live too. In the north of every man's heart."
"It's never too late, Subotai."
"No...It would only lead me back here another day. In even worse company."
"For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm."
First of all, I think this is one of the very best acting moments of Schwarzenegger's career. And I generally adore the man with all my heart. It's so human. So accessible. Sure, he says "other man" instead of "other men," but he sounds so sincere in the realization that he's spent his whole life on a ridiculous quest that has taken away so much from him. It ISN'T too late - even as he prepares for the battle in which he utters his famous prayer to Crom - and he could just walk away and try to start over. His heart has been broken for too long, and he realizes at the end...he has to face the storm that he's brought on through his choices.
I get why this scene was cut from the film originally - there's a tone shift that doesn't match the character's lack of emotion at other moments. In one of the film's best scenes, Subotai cries at the expense of another character and when asked why, he laments that Conan, the Cimmerian, can not cry. This deleted scene doesn't feature tears from Conan, but it's as close as we can get. It hit me so hard when I first heard it. I probably watch this scene on YouTube more often than any human should; I just love what it represents. The hero who's trying to take on the world realizes, as he prepares to put his well-being on the line one more time, that he's been fighting his whole life and has left the simple things that bring him peace long behind. And Subotai, who's been portrayed as Conan's heart for much of the film, just chuckles at Conan like he's a doofus. He knows what the man means, and he wishes it was that simple.
Having not read the stories that Conan originated from, I tried my best to find sources that compare the film to what the author created. You'll find kind words about the final product on sites like Wikipedia and IMDB, alongside admissions that writer/director Milius took liberties combining elements of different Conan stories. On the other hand, I found a couple of fans of Howard's stories to ask them their opinion about how well the movie captured his character, and their answers were less positive. One admitted to liking the film for what it is, while pointing out that things like the importance of Conan's sword and the role of Thulsa Doom are sharp breaks from Howard's legend, while another simply thought that the film was an embarrassment compared to the author's work.
The film opens with a famous on-screen quote from Friedrich Nietzche, stating "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger," and I think that's a fair statement to sum up how I feel about Conan the Barbarian as a film. The film has some problems as an adaptation, but they're covered up so well by all the things I love about it. The cast is perfect for their roles, and behind the brawn and muscle there's a sweet heart reminding us that Conan's fought hard to get to this point in his noble quest. Though his goal is revenge, he seeks it because he needs to heal his heart. I really love that about him, and this film.
- Conan may not resemble the details of his 1930s origin tales in this film, but the set up of the film does. Much like modern super hero films, Milius used his film to introduce the character and build him through an origin story, tacking on narration at the prologue and epilogue that would set up a series of films. Only one direct sequel ever got off the ground (so far), but the serial nature of the film feels like something from the era in which Conan was born.
- At the same time, Conan the Barbarian also is at home in the excessive style of early 1980s cinema. In the wake of Star Wars, studios were doing their best to create grand universes that could cover several films, and the sci-fi and fantasy genres were homes to many of them. (In fact, Star Wars creator George Lucas tried to buy the rights to adapt the character we're about to discuss, and only after he failed at this decided to create his space opera.)
- As I noted above, Conan's quest wouldn't work without the cast around him, a diverse and eclectic group of characters who light up the screen when the hero - who was still working on his English - was unable to carry the film's dramatic and comedic load. So I want another supporting cast that lifts the film to new heights.
- Conan the Barbarian's greatest strength might be it's musical score. Basil Poledouris' score for this film...might be my favorite musical score for any film of its type. It's a jackhammer, and it's also got these beautiful interludes that feel like what I think the spring winds in that scene I talked about above would feel like. None of this makes sense because I don't understand music, but I'm still looking for a double feature where the music elevates the film to another level.
- Above all else, we - and by we, I mean you, and me, and Bonnie Tyler - need a hero.
That hero's name is....
Flash Gordon
1980, Directed by Mike Hodges
There's a pretty fundamental difference between the movies Flash Gordon and Conan the Barbarian, just like there are major differences between the characters each of the films are named after. We'll get to those in a minute. First, let's take a look at a rather obvious connection between them.
Producer Dino De Laurentiis, wanting to capitalize on the success of Star Wars on film and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century on TV, brought Flash Gordon to motion picture screens in December of 1980, just over 18 months before Conan was released. De Laurentiis also backed Conan into existence, though he let his daughter Raffaella be the on set producer of that one. The Italian producer gained a level of cult fame with his 1976 remake of King Kong; waxing romantically in an interview with Time magazine that "when the monkey die, people gonna cry." That film has gone down in the history of cinema as something of a miss, but the producer's romantic and kinda charming ideas on what audiences are looking for from big budget spectacle paint a picture of the kind of properties he we would try to create with both Flash Gordon and Conan the Barbarian.
Like Kong and Conan, Flash Gordon was born in the first half of the 1930s, first appearing as a comic strip character in January of 1934. A polo player turned space traveling hero, Flash is kind of an anti-Conan. Where the Cimmerian is pushed into action because of the troubles that plagued his life, Flash just kind of stumbles into a hero role in his journeys by getting caught on the wrong plane and, subsequently, the wrong rocket ship. If Conan represents the everyman hero who has to fight through life, Flash - who the film updates from polo star to "quarterback, New York Jets" - is the white collar hero who's been given all the tools he needs.
Though the real world well-to-do are usually quick to stomp on the little guys, Flash Gordon is fictional, and is thus the rare "pure" rich hero. There's no real motivation for him to act heroically to protect Earth from Ming the Merciless (Max von Sydow, who would also make a brief appearance as the good King Osiric in Conan the Barbarian), he's just a good guy who stands up for us because he wants to. He's a naive and simple character, and the actor who brings him to life, Sam J. Jones, doesn't inspire much applause for his depth as an actor, but looking at him as a product of the 1930s that has been brought forward to the 1980s helps us understand why he is the way he is.
Like Conan, Flash is able to maneuver through his journey to defeat Ming with the help of a unique group of friends. The biggest standouts are Prince Vultan of the Hawkmen, a boisterous bearded character who seems to enjoy challenging Ming because it's humorous, and Prince Barin, the suave ruler of a forest planet who has his eyes on Ming's devious daughter, Aura. They're played by two very different British actors, Brian Blessed and (future James Bond) Timothy Dalton, who play perfect opposites easily. Aura, played by Ornella Muti, is the film's most complex character - which is a low bar to hurdle - because she gets to balance on the line between helping her father and falling for the handsome spacemen who come into his kingdom. The other major standout in the cast is charismatic Israeli star Topol, who's performance as Earth scientist Hans Zarkov is cheeky and winning and full of pop culture references.
Each of these supporting performers help make the film far more light-hearted than the operatic tone of Conan the Barbarian, which is where Jones and Melody Anderson (who plays Dale Arden, his romantic interest) come back into the picture. I made a backhanded comment about Jones' depth earlier, yet he's perfect for reprising a role that was initially played in serial films by Olympic athlete-turned-actor "Buster" Crabbe. A couple of more famous actors were near landing the part of Flash Gordon in the film, including Schwarzenegger(!) (who was rejected due to his strong accent) and Kurt Russell (who rejected the film because he thought the character lacked personality), and though they're two of my favorite stars in the world - I'm kind of OK with Sam Jones ending up in this role. Russell is probably right that he's not right for this role, because the wooden nature of the hero only boosts up the performers around him. Kurt Russell movies are best when he's allowed to be the charismatic scene-stealer. That's not who Flash Gordon is, and Sam Jones is able to slide into the movie, be heroic, and let everyone around him shine without stealing their spotlight.
Conan the Barbarian and Flash Gordon are both films about 1930s heroes made with 1980s mindsets, and it's the difference in those 1980s tones that really makes this double feature pop for me. For example, I mentioned how much I love Conan's booming musical score, and I also love how the musical score takes Flash Gordon to another level. The difference is that the film that keeps its swords and sorcery on an earthly plane has music by an orchestral composer, while the film that takes its swords and sorcerers into space has a musical score by iconic future rock band Queen. (Yes, I believe Freddie Mercury and friends are from the future and that we haven't seen the last of them yet. Don't stomp on my dreams.)
Conan the Barbarian and Flash Gordon are a perfect pairing in how they represent the hero's journey and do so in such dramatically different ways. With a few omissions, you can boil both films down to the same idea - an honorable hero, alongside those who will help him, tries to take down a ruthless oppressor. But unless you think about that point specifically, you'd never think to put Conan and Flash in the same sentence, because the worlds and the tones are so far apart.
Yet here they are. Created less than two years apart during The Great Depression, and brought back to life by a rich producer at the beginning of a decade of excess. They're odd partners - I don't know how Conan and Flash would get along in a time-traveling crossover project, but don't you kind of want to find out? - but they represent the same things. They stand for honor, valor, and love. They stand for the little guy who can't stand up to the oppressor themselves.
Though they stand in different times places, they come from the same kind of hearts. And, as Queen's theme song points out about Flash, they're "for every one of us." That's the kind of hero I think we all need to be, wherever and whenever we are.
Like Kong and Conan, Flash Gordon was born in the first half of the 1930s, first appearing as a comic strip character in January of 1934. A polo player turned space traveling hero, Flash is kind of an anti-Conan. Where the Cimmerian is pushed into action because of the troubles that plagued his life, Flash just kind of stumbles into a hero role in his journeys by getting caught on the wrong plane and, subsequently, the wrong rocket ship. If Conan represents the everyman hero who has to fight through life, Flash - who the film updates from polo star to "quarterback, New York Jets" - is the white collar hero who's been given all the tools he needs.
Like Conan, Flash is able to maneuver through his journey to defeat Ming with the help of a unique group of friends. The biggest standouts are Prince Vultan of the Hawkmen, a boisterous bearded character who seems to enjoy challenging Ming because it's humorous, and Prince Barin, the suave ruler of a forest planet who has his eyes on Ming's devious daughter, Aura. They're played by two very different British actors, Brian Blessed and (future James Bond) Timothy Dalton, who play perfect opposites easily. Aura, played by Ornella Muti, is the film's most complex character - which is a low bar to hurdle - because she gets to balance on the line between helping her father and falling for the handsome spacemen who come into his kingdom. The other major standout in the cast is charismatic Israeli star Topol, who's performance as Earth scientist Hans Zarkov is cheeky and winning and full of pop culture references.
Conan the Barbarian and Flash Gordon are both films about 1930s heroes made with 1980s mindsets, and it's the difference in those 1980s tones that really makes this double feature pop for me. For example, I mentioned how much I love Conan's booming musical score, and I also love how the musical score takes Flash Gordon to another level. The difference is that the film that keeps its swords and sorcery on an earthly plane has music by an orchestral composer, while the film that takes its swords and sorcerers into space has a musical score by iconic future rock band Queen. (Yes, I believe Freddie Mercury and friends are from the future and that we haven't seen the last of them yet. Don't stomp on my dreams.)
Yet here they are. Created less than two years apart during The Great Depression, and brought back to life by a rich producer at the beginning of a decade of excess. They're odd partners - I don't know how Conan and Flash would get along in a time-traveling crossover project, but don't you kind of want to find out? - but they represent the same things. They stand for honor, valor, and love. They stand for the little guy who can't stand up to the oppressor themselves.
Though they stand in different times places, they come from the same kind of hearts. And, as Queen's theme song points out about Flash, they're "for every one of us." That's the kind of hero I think we all need to be, wherever and whenever we are.
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